Solo in Delhi

Happy International Women's Day to all the strong, beautiful, intelligent women in my life! I love you all. 

Once again, I find myself alone... but this time in New Delhi, India. There have been some unfortunate events (a plane crash at Kathmandu airport) that have led to my friends leaving early this morning to take a 30-40 hour bus ride to Nepal to start their trek. Luckily I am in a very safe area of Delhi at the Moustache Hostel. It is about 8:30am... woke up to see my friends off and just had breakfast while mingling with other travelers. It is so inspiring to hear about their adventures-- some people traveling for a year or even more, seeing the world. Met another American from Washington D.C. this morning who is only in India for 2 weeks. The holy city of Varanasi brings him here. I was telling him about my experiences on the farm, the Ashram and my current/future plans to give back to communities in India. He told me that my journey "put his to shame"... while is just here to have fun, I am changing the world. 

I wish more people that traveled here as tourists found a desire to help rather than looking at the poverty dead in the face and continuing to do nothing about. But I guess that everyone has a different calling. This just happens to be mine. Direct action and direct change. I wouldn't see it any other way. 

Anyway, I thought that I would be so nervous being in this city alone but I feel okay with it. It is a good day to reflect in solitude (but not really in solitude because there are so many people here at this hostel) about the last month and the next seven weeks ahead. Early tomorrow morning, I catch a flight to Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu, India to reunite with the one I love and the beautiful Shanti Ashram. This has been a rough month for all of us... being sick multiple times. I anticipate the next month being much better, simply by being in the same place for 3.5 weeks in a city (just outside a city) I am somewhat familiar with. 

Time for some job/soul searching...

Moustache Hostel

Now in Greater Kailash in south Delhi. Before I left, one of my favorite people and co-workers Gary Urick gave me some great words of wisdom... that my fears and concerns of traveling alone in India (or even not alone) were rooted from other people's fears. Months of lost sleep over my lack of planning and safety concerns but here I am, one month into this journey and I feel perfectly safe in what is considered the rape capital of India... His words run through my head today as I relax in the coolest backpacker hostel I've ever seen. Don't get me wrong, Delhi can be very unsafe if you don't know what you're doing... and by no means do I recommend women to travel here alone (there are so many other places you can travel alone here) but as long as you're smart about it, you will be fine.

Anyway, I am beyond excited to travel back to Coimbatore on Monday morning!! To see some familiar faces, to meet new ones, and most importantly, be in the same city with the one I love for almost a month. I will be volunteering once again at Shanti Ashram, a place very close to my heart in so many ways to work with youth and the environment and see how some of our other fundraising initiatives are put into action.

Before Delhi, we made it to Agra to see the magnificent Taj Mahal. I have never seen something so flawlessly beautiful in my life... the entire time I was there, I felt like I was admiring something out of a painting. Its magnificence is so overwhelming, it feels like a dream world. The greatest sentiment to true love, the Taj is completely semetrical on all sides. Naturally I took a million photos as it's a photographer's absolute paradise.

Today we will see the Lotus Temple here in Delhi-- a temple of the Baha'i faith, built in the 1980s. Hoping to see some wildlife too at some animal sanctuaries.

This trip has taught me so much about myself and my inner strength. To keep going and stay positive even during a lingering illness. It hasn't been easy but it has made me a stronger person. I will never, ever, ever take my health for granted, ever again. Or the pure Michigan air... or the clean water I can drink from the tap... or the sweet embrace of my friends and family (which I am seriously deprived of today). This month has also taught me a lot about detachment... not only from those I love but especially from material things. It is a Buddhist principle that is always easier said than done but living out of a backpack with the bare essentials, you stop caring about things and more about survival. Now, if I fear I have lost something, I think, oh well... it's only a ______..... it is replaceable... it is not permanent...

Anyway, I am finally taking antibiotics to treat my illness. I can already feel them helping... I have an appetite again and the stomach cramps are subsiding when I eat. On the road to recovery just in time for month 2 in south India. Monday (Saturday here now), I will depart from my friends and have a solo journey in Coimbatore.

Sorry if these posts are rather boring... too sick to be philosophical at the moment but maybe my time alone will bring back my poetic self.

Also, if you're reading this and are in Ann Arbor/Ypsilanti, I will be home the end of April and am desperate for a job. Please keep an eye out for me... hoping for something full time in conservation, non profits, communication, farming, etc. Thanks!!

Peace and love.

Goodbye Banares

Last night in Varanasi... Tomorrow we travel to Agra. I haven't seen as much as I would have liked to here in Banares due to food poisoning and then yesterday, I caught some kind of stomach flu :/ therefore, it hasn't been the spiritual journey I would have hoped for, being in the holiest city. But I have realized that my spiritual quest can be reached anywhere...

We've been spending a lot of time at the Brown Bread Bakery (where we've been volunteering) because we get 50% off food :D and because they have live tabla and sarod/sitar concerts every evening. Other than that, it hasn't been the most eventful week. Went to explore the Ganges again last night and watch the puja and it started to rain. It felt so nice outside! Finally a bit if relief from the heat.

Tomorrow evening, we travel to Agra to the fort and the famous Taj Mahal! It is a place I've always dreamed of seeing. Then, onwards to Delhi where we meet our friend Kristina. Celebrating holi at a private (and hopefully very safe!) festival. We are escaping Delhi on the weekend and headed to Ramnagar to see Jim Corbett National Park and see eleohant/tiger safaris!!!

March 9, I board a plane to Coimbatore and return to a beautiful place with beautiful people :) just one more week until I return to Shanti Ashram! 

Oh boy... I have lost track of this blog. Hard to believe it has only been 2 weeks. So much has happened, it feels like I have been here for months! Lots of ups and downs, more ups than downs I would say so far. Let's see... So had a rough time getting out of Mumbai. Our train tickets didn't get off the waiting list so our ticket was canceled.. Little did we know that we could have got on the train anyway but not guaranteed seats. So we got on an overnight bus to Goa. Well worth it. Spent 4 days in south Goa (in peace and quiet, away from the party scene) with the love of my life. I was proposed to (and said yes) walking down the ocean shoreline. We also visited some of the north Goa beaches which were equally as beautiful but much more crowded. Still feels like a dream world. Got very sick leaving Goa because of shitty conditions of our hostel... Rough train ride to Mirazapur. Twenty eight hours in sleeper class is entirely to long!!!! Sleeper class is the cheap class that is basically communal and all you have is a plastic mattress basically, three tiered. It wasn't too bad other than being very ill. Highlight of the trip so far was staying on Gopalpur Farm with Ahana Organics. Very rewarding experience, working with local villagers and learning the farming practices. It still amazes me how generous people are... Dhruv Tripathi and his family welcomed us with open arms and warm hearts as their first WWOOFers. We had it made, living in a teepee and being in complete peace and harmony, away from the noisy and crazy cities. We did everything from pruning, planting, making compost, healing indigenous trees that fell victims to pest with natural products (a handmade mixture of neem oil, water and cow urine), took care of some of the farm animals, etc. We miss the farm already but are doing great things in Varanasi too. A good friend of Dhruv's named Michael (from Germany) lives here and has a school for homeless/beggar children as well as a bakery. The farm supplies wheat, barely, etc. to Michael. We are helping in the school to build roof top gardens in order to feed the children lunches as well as helping in the bakery. Got to Varanasi yesterday and took a boat ride on the Ganges to see the burning of the bodies and other religious ceremonies. More later on that experience and what it means to a Hindu to be burned and carried by the holy river. Very magical! What a beautiful part of death. Anyway, I am so blessed for this opportunity and happy to be in the holiest city. Miss you all. Will write more soon while I'm here with internet access. 

After a flight from SFO to LAX/one night in L.A, a flight from LAX to Munich/one night in Munich, a flight from Munich to Bombay and several days of extreme sleep deprivation, I find myself back in this wonderous place. We arrived here at midnight and found Kelli easily. It was a breeze getting luggage, exchanging money, and contacting the hostel. However, the second we walked out of the airport, we were bombarded by taxi drivers. Being unfamiliar with the area, we were ripped off so bad by the cab driver, paying nearly $25 for a 5 minute cab ride. Then we arrived at the hostel and it looked like it was closed for the night... We were greeted by a man insisting that his hostel next door was the same as Eden where we had reservations. He assured us it was the same management and after several failed attempts (across language barriers) to explain that we had a reservation next door, we gave in to his aggresive and rude business tactics. Long story short, the room was rather dirty, the bathroom smelled entirely of moth balls, and there were strange noises (maybe some kind of rodent?) coming from the next door. We barely slept trying to find a way out as soon as possible. At first I had this overwhelming feeling we were not in a safe area, especially arriving in an unfamiliar place in the middle if the night with uncleanly conditions. Once morning arrived, I learned that the employees were trustworthy and was a good lesson in trust. I will admit, I was sending prayers to my father's spirit and Lord Ganesha himself throughout the night.

Anyway, now we are at the hostel next door that we were SUPPOSE to stay at last night. Even though it is the same management, this place is already so much better. The a/c works, bathroom is clean, and generally a better vibe. We are happy to have the day to rest as Janessa and I are feeling sick. Her more than I. She is sleeping now and I will head to the store shortly with Kelli to find electro powder and maybe some ginger tea.

We are dealing with yet another life lesson that travel plans in a place like India rarely go as expected. Ganesh is a sweetheart and got us train tickets for tomorrow but we are wait listed due to the high amount of people that travel on Sunday. It is literally a waiting game whether our seats are confirmed or not. Patience is key. Sending good, good vibes to the universe that it works out.

That is all for now. Please keep us on your thoughts, especially for Janessa that she recovers quickly after rest and proper care.

Peace and love.

Good bye California

Well America, thanks for keepin it real. It figures that the night before I embark on this spiritual quest of self discovery as a wandering mystic, I would have dreams involving all those I have ever loved, from old friends to new. Less than four hours until I board a plane to Munich, Germany. I feel surprisingly calm, using a passive approach to avoid any feelings of anxiousness. I have said goodbye to family and friends, including my best friend Sean Merillat a few hours ago as he boarded a flight back to the cold and snowy Mitten. From this point on, all travel plans are out of my control, but still sending positive vibes out to the universe that we stay safe, happy and healthy, despite the extreme heat and sleep deprivation we may endure. And now, I wait... Currently people watching as I wait for Janessa to arrive at LAX.. I watch in wonder as people come from all over the world. Curiosity strikes... Where are they going? Where are they coming from and what brings them to this international hub in southern California? I feel completely on my own at this moment but perfectly comfortable with that fact. Probably one of the first times in 23 years I can say that I am okay with this loneliness... Although I sit in anticipation for the moment, I am on no ones agenda, no one to keep track of, no where to be. Just myself and this body I inhabit. Inhaling, exhaling, inhaling, exhaling. Concentrating fully on the breathe that fills my lungs. For those that want to keep in contact, please download calling/texting apps, one called Viber and one called whatsapp. I will be able to use these to update you once in awhile. Also, email/Facebook me your mailing address for handwritten letters. No guarantees for this blog or texting, as I don't know what my internet accessibility will be. Anyway, I am so grateful for this opportunity and for all those opening their hearts and homes to me the next three months. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for safe travels as I will do the same for you.

See you in three months. Keep Michigan beautiful for me. Love you all so much!

Silly humans... We cannot help but torture ourselves for love.

But how do you go slow in a timeless place when all you want is eternity with someone?

I think I finally found the truest kind of love. The kind of love my parents had. Pure, honest, passionate love. Only two barriers between it and myself: the Atlantic and Pacific.

You found me just as I am starting to love myself... And that is the truest form of love.

As I follow closely Buddha's teachings of detachment, I try desperately to imagine life without you but I just can't... But I do know one thing. No matter where this mad universe may take us, all I want for you is happiness. I will never stop loving you. If you love something, let it be free like the wind.

Goodbye Michigan

Tonight I leave for California to start this quest of mine. From this point on, all travel plans are out of my control. I now turn to the universe for support that all flights are on time, that we are safe in all travels and that this is a rewarding experience in every way possible.

I feel very blessed for this opportunity and am so grateful to all the warm hospitality I am already receiving.

Peace out to my lovely state of Michigan. I will see you again when you are thawed and ready to grow another year's harvest :)

Much love to all.

1/26/14

I have two days and one night left in Michigan... There were moments today where I felt a sudden panic that this journey is actually here and I do not feel prepared. Moments like these, especially for an anxious claustrophobic, the power of breath is the truest. So many emotions racing through my head including the fear of leaving the nest- this is the longest I have been away from home (even when I lived away for college), fear for many obvious reasons, worry of something bad happening and being out of contact, anxiety about being trapped on so many airplanes, and definitely panic that my bags are not packed. But also excitement to be back in a timeless place with beautiful people, gratitude that this journey has presented itself regardless of finances or "the right timing", and for those that are opening their homes/hearts to us. I am blessed to have the opportunity to truly, truly dig deeply into my own mind and to further understand self love in all aspects of life. I have come to realize that it is not a trip and can or will be fully prepared for. It is a learning experience and a time to fill my mind with the wisdom and knowledge of so many.

"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."

- Buddha

Ham sa ham sa ham sa

http://meditationisforyou.org/2012/03/hamsa-mantra-freedom-from-fear/

"The goal of meditation is to live fully in the world and at the same time not be overly attached to it, and to try to attain higher levels of awareness and then share this knowledge to help others on their journey through life"

- Dennis K. Chernin, M.D., M.P.H.

Wise words from a brilliant Michigander :)

Not all those who wander are lost

Today marks one week until my journey begins so I figured I should start writing for the sake of those that I love (that are more nervous than I am about this adventure). I have contemplated ways to begin this blog to ensure you that I know what I am doing but honestly, it is a work in progress.

It has been a long time since I wrote something for me. Not the world, not for even the future me. This... all of this.. is for the present me. With all doubts aside, I am making this journey to improve myself in order to make the utmost impact in the lives of others. To truly find my worth in this ticking time bomb of a body. Regardless of the fact I am terrified to leave my family, especially my elders, and my home that I am very attached to (the house that my father's spirit closely watches over) for several months. I have never been the kind of person that handles change well and honestly, it is always in the back of my mind-- what if something bad were to happen while I'm gone? What if...? What if...? In times of doubt, I remind myself of detachment. If you truly love someone/something, let it go... I remind myself how short this life can be and to soak it in, enjoying each moment with those I love. I remind myself that this world is change and that if something is to happen, it will happen no matter where I am present.

Time is short but that's alright. Maybe I'll go out in the middle of the night. Take your hands from your eyes, my love. Everything must come to an end sometime. Don't burn the day away. 
                                                                                                     - Dave Matthews Band

A week from today, I will board my first of many planes to Oakland, California where I will spend some time at Mount Tamalpais State Park, indulging in the wonders of nature with two of my favorite people (my best friend Sean Merillat and my (not-so) baby cousin Paul McCallum).  But that is just the sweetest cherry on top of this enlightening, spiritual journey I will embark on.

On February 4, Janessa (my Bower Haus sister) and I will board my third plane to Munich, Germany and then onwards to Mumbai, India. After meeting up with our friend Kelli Palaka at the Mumbai airport, we will spend time in Sanjay Gandhi National Park before heading to the beautiful Goa, India. Then we will travel across the country to the holy city of Varanasi! We are blessed with the opportunity to live on Gopalpur Farm ~2 hours outside of Varanasi where we will be surrounded by the beauty of Uttar Pradesh. Hanging out with cows, orchards, very old indigenous trees, herb gardens, and aromatic gardens. A young farmer's/animal lover's paradise and a chance to support the local community via organic farming practices.

During March, I will return to the beloved Shanti Ashram in Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu, India and reunite with people that are very dear to my heart (while my friends backpack the Annapurna Ciruit in Nepal). Hopefully visit the hill station of Ooty for a few days too. I imagine this month will be the hardest I will endure as I will be on my own. For an independent American woman who likes to explore and venture into the world, I must be extra cautious as I will be the most vulnerable when I am alone. Do not fear. I will be in good hands with a friend's family who live near the Ashram.

And lastly, April, I will meet back up with a motley crew in Bangkok, Thailand to continue our spiritual journey on a quest for self love and self discovery. We will venture to Siem Reap, Cambodia to witness the beauty of Angkor Watt and most likely live on a lavender farm in southern Thailand for a few weeks.

If there is one thing I have learned from several months of planning, it is that there is endless places in the East that I want to see and would need a lifetime to see even half of them. However, we are limiting ourselves to ensure our safety and comfort along this journey. Regardless, it will surely be a trip to remember--threes month of pure spiritual and mental growth.

Excerpt from a journal entry dated Sept. 27, 2014
All my life, I have been a people pleaser... always concerned about letting others down and putting their needs before my own. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing I love more than helping others, but I am finally taking some good advice and doing something for myself.

Since I started studying Hinduism and Buddhism a few years back, I have come to realize that once I find self love, my true potential will surface and my ability to give back to communities across the globe will greatly increase. This was a hard concept to wrap my head around at first because it can be a struggle to escape from the fast paced lifestyle that is all around me. The drive to be wealthy and work 60+ hours a week for a job I hate was never a desire of mine. I always had a deep love for experiencing how the rest of the world lives... the simplicity and timelessness of the East will always fascinate me and I will embrace this lifestyle every day I am there. Living in the present, living one day at a time.

Seeing as this is turning into word vomit, I will sign off. I am not sure how often I will be able to blog, let alone have access to internet but I will surely try my best to check in from time to time. I am so grateful to have this opportunity and my heart goes out to all those that are opening their homes and arms to me the next three months! Peace and love to all.

I believe you came into my life to make my dreams come true. The universe is speaking. It is about time I listen. Truly listen. 

“Die ersten Schritte sind wertlos, wenn der Weg nicht zu Ende gegangen wird.” ("The first steps are worthless if the path is not ended.")