Silly humans... We cannot help but torture ourselves for love.
But how do you go slow in a timeless place when all you want is eternity with someone?
I think I finally found the truest kind of love. The kind of love my parents had. Pure, honest, passionate love. Only two barriers between it and myself: the Atlantic and Pacific.
You found me just as I am starting to love myself... And that is the truest form of love.
As I follow closely Buddha's teachings of detachment, I try desperately to imagine life without you but I just can't... But I do know one thing. No matter where this mad universe may take us, all I want for you is happiness. I will never stop loving you. If you love something, let it be free like the wind.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Goodbye Michigan
Tonight I leave for California to start this quest of mine. From this point on, all travel plans are out of my control. I now turn to the universe for support that all flights are on time, that we are safe in all travels and that this is a rewarding experience in every way possible.
I feel very blessed for this opportunity and am so grateful to all the warm hospitality I am already receiving.
Peace out to my lovely state of Michigan. I will see you again when you are thawed and ready to grow another year's harvest :)
Much love to all.
I feel very blessed for this opportunity and am so grateful to all the warm hospitality I am already receiving.
Peace out to my lovely state of Michigan. I will see you again when you are thawed and ready to grow another year's harvest :)
Much love to all.
1/26/14
I have two days and one night left in Michigan... There were moments today where I felt a sudden panic that this journey is actually here and I do not feel prepared. Moments like these, especially for an anxious claustrophobic, the power of breath is the truest. So many emotions racing through my head including the fear of leaving the nest- this is the longest I have been away from home (even when I lived away for college), fear for many obvious reasons, worry of something bad happening and being out of contact, anxiety about being trapped on so many airplanes, and definitely panic that my bags are not packed. But also excitement to be back in a timeless place with beautiful people, gratitude that this journey has presented itself regardless of finances or "the right timing", and for those that are opening their homes/hearts to us. I am blessed to have the opportunity to truly, truly dig deeply into my own mind and to further understand self love in all aspects of life. I have come to realize that it is not a trip and can or will be fully prepared for. It is a learning experience and a time to fill my mind with the wisdom and knowledge of so many.
"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."
"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."
- Buddha
Thursday, January 22, 2015
"The goal of meditation is to live fully in the world and at the same time not be overly attached to it, and to try to attain higher levels of awareness and then share this knowledge to help others on their journey through life"
- Dennis K. Chernin, M.D., M.P.H.
Wise words from a brilliant Michigander :)
- Dennis K. Chernin, M.D., M.P.H.
Wise words from a brilliant Michigander :)
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Not all those who wander are lost
Today marks one week until my journey begins so I figured I should start writing for the sake of those that I love (that are more nervous than I am about this adventure). I have contemplated ways to begin this blog to ensure you that I know what I am doing but honestly, it is a work in progress.
It has been a long time since I wrote something for me. Not the world, not for even the future me. This... all of this.. is for the present me. With all doubts aside, I am making this journey to improve myself in order to make the utmost impact in the lives of others. To truly find my worth in this ticking time bomb of a body. Regardless of the fact I am terrified to leave my family, especially my elders, and my home that I am very attached to (the house that my father's spirit closely watches over) for several months. I have never been the kind of person that handles change well and honestly, it is always in the back of my mind-- what if something bad were to happen while I'm gone? What if...? What if...? In times of doubt, I remind myself of detachment. If you truly love someone/something, let it go... I remind myself how short this life can be and to soak it in, enjoying each moment with those I love. I remind myself that this world is change and that if something is to happen, it will happen no matter where I am present.
Time is short but that's alright. Maybe I'll go out in the middle of the night. Take your hands from your eyes, my love. Everything must come to an end sometime. Don't burn the day away.
- Dave Matthews Band
A week from today, I will board my first of many planes to Oakland, California where I will spend some time at Mount Tamalpais State Park, indulging in the wonders of nature with two of my favorite people (my best friend Sean Merillat and my (not-so) baby cousin Paul McCallum). But that is just the sweetest cherry on top of this enlightening, spiritual journey I will embark on.
On February 4, Janessa (my Bower Haus sister) and I will board my third plane to Munich, Germany and then onwards to Mumbai, India. After meeting up with our friend Kelli Palaka at the Mumbai airport, we will spend time in Sanjay Gandhi National Park before heading to the beautiful Goa, India. Then we will travel across the country to the holy city of Varanasi! We are blessed with the opportunity to live on Gopalpur Farm ~2 hours outside of Varanasi where we will be surrounded by the beauty of Uttar Pradesh. Hanging out with cows, orchards, very old indigenous trees, herb gardens, and aromatic gardens. A young farmer's/animal lover's paradise and a chance to support the local community via organic farming practices.
During March, I will return to the beloved Shanti Ashram in Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu, India and reunite with people that are very dear to my heart (while my friends backpack the Annapurna Ciruit in Nepal). Hopefully visit the hill station of Ooty for a few days too. I imagine this month will be the hardest I will endure as I will be on my own. For an independent American woman who likes to explore and venture into the world, I must be extra cautious as I will be the most vulnerable when I am alone. Do not fear. I will be in good hands with a friend's family who live near the Ashram.
And lastly, April, I will meet back up with a motley crew in Bangkok, Thailand to continue our spiritual journey on a quest for self love and self discovery. We will venture to Siem Reap, Cambodia to witness the beauty of Angkor Watt and most likely live on a lavender farm in southern Thailand for a few weeks.
If there is one thing I have learned from several months of planning, it is that there is endless places in the East that I want to see and would need a lifetime to see even half of them. However, we are limiting ourselves to ensure our safety and comfort along this journey. Regardless, it will surely be a trip to remember--threes month of pure spiritual and mental growth.
Excerpt from a journal entry dated Sept. 27, 2014
All my life, I have been a people pleaser... always concerned about letting others down and putting their needs before my own. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing I love more than helping others, but I am finally taking some good advice and doing something for myself.
Since I started studying Hinduism and Buddhism a few years back, I have come to realize that once I find self love, my true potential will surface and my ability to give back to communities across the globe will greatly increase. This was a hard concept to wrap my head around at first because it can be a struggle to escape from the fast paced lifestyle that is all around me. The drive to be wealthy and work 60+ hours a week for a job I hate was never a desire of mine. I always had a deep love for experiencing how the rest of the world lives... the simplicity and timelessness of the East will always fascinate me and I will embrace this lifestyle every day I am there. Living in the present, living one day at a time.
Seeing as this is turning into word vomit, I will sign off. I am not sure how often I will be able to blog, let alone have access to internet but I will surely try my best to check in from time to time. I am so grateful to have this opportunity and my heart goes out to all those that are opening their homes and arms to me the next three months! Peace and love to all.
It has been a long time since I wrote something for me. Not the world, not for even the future me. This... all of this.. is for the present me. With all doubts aside, I am making this journey to improve myself in order to make the utmost impact in the lives of others. To truly find my worth in this ticking time bomb of a body. Regardless of the fact I am terrified to leave my family, especially my elders, and my home that I am very attached to (the house that my father's spirit closely watches over) for several months. I have never been the kind of person that handles change well and honestly, it is always in the back of my mind-- what if something bad were to happen while I'm gone? What if...? What if...? In times of doubt, I remind myself of detachment. If you truly love someone/something, let it go... I remind myself how short this life can be and to soak it in, enjoying each moment with those I love. I remind myself that this world is change and that if something is to happen, it will happen no matter where I am present.
Time is short but that's alright. Maybe I'll go out in the middle of the night. Take your hands from your eyes, my love. Everything must come to an end sometime. Don't burn the day away.
- Dave Matthews Band
A week from today, I will board my first of many planes to Oakland, California where I will spend some time at Mount Tamalpais State Park, indulging in the wonders of nature with two of my favorite people (my best friend Sean Merillat and my (not-so) baby cousin Paul McCallum). But that is just the sweetest cherry on top of this enlightening, spiritual journey I will embark on.
On February 4, Janessa (my Bower Haus sister) and I will board my third plane to Munich, Germany and then onwards to Mumbai, India. After meeting up with our friend Kelli Palaka at the Mumbai airport, we will spend time in Sanjay Gandhi National Park before heading to the beautiful Goa, India. Then we will travel across the country to the holy city of Varanasi! We are blessed with the opportunity to live on Gopalpur Farm ~2 hours outside of Varanasi where we will be surrounded by the beauty of Uttar Pradesh. Hanging out with cows, orchards, very old indigenous trees, herb gardens, and aromatic gardens. A young farmer's/animal lover's paradise and a chance to support the local community via organic farming practices.
During March, I will return to the beloved Shanti Ashram in Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu, India and reunite with people that are very dear to my heart (while my friends backpack the Annapurna Ciruit in Nepal). Hopefully visit the hill station of Ooty for a few days too. I imagine this month will be the hardest I will endure as I will be on my own. For an independent American woman who likes to explore and venture into the world, I must be extra cautious as I will be the most vulnerable when I am alone. Do not fear. I will be in good hands with a friend's family who live near the Ashram.
And lastly, April, I will meet back up with a motley crew in Bangkok, Thailand to continue our spiritual journey on a quest for self love and self discovery. We will venture to Siem Reap, Cambodia to witness the beauty of Angkor Watt and most likely live on a lavender farm in southern Thailand for a few weeks.
If there is one thing I have learned from several months of planning, it is that there is endless places in the East that I want to see and would need a lifetime to see even half of them. However, we are limiting ourselves to ensure our safety and comfort along this journey. Regardless, it will surely be a trip to remember--threes month of pure spiritual and mental growth.
Excerpt from a journal entry dated Sept. 27, 2014
All my life, I have been a people pleaser... always concerned about letting others down and putting their needs before my own. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing I love more than helping others, but I am finally taking some good advice and doing something for myself.
Since I started studying Hinduism and Buddhism a few years back, I have come to realize that once I find self love, my true potential will surface and my ability to give back to communities across the globe will greatly increase. This was a hard concept to wrap my head around at first because it can be a struggle to escape from the fast paced lifestyle that is all around me. The drive to be wealthy and work 60+ hours a week for a job I hate was never a desire of mine. I always had a deep love for experiencing how the rest of the world lives... the simplicity and timelessness of the East will always fascinate me and I will embrace this lifestyle every day I am there. Living in the present, living one day at a time.
Seeing as this is turning into word vomit, I will sign off. I am not sure how often I will be able to blog, let alone have access to internet but I will surely try my best to check in from time to time. I am so grateful to have this opportunity and my heart goes out to all those that are opening their homes and arms to me the next three months! Peace and love to all.
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